We only judge in areas where we are deeply vulnerable to shame.

Posted on September 24, 2015


When someone passes judgment on another, it is often done to “rank order” the other person against oneself. It is a measurement we make to position ourselves. And we do so, not necessarily because we think so low of the other, but because we are vulnerable to shame in that very area in which we judge.

Consider the delicate dance of commenting on someone’s parenting, and the deep sense of insecurity that all parents face.

Consider the harsh condemnation of sexual indiscretion, and the social ostracizing that occurs of any sexual deviation.

Many who are deeply offended by cursing and coarse language are often people who have left that behavior behind, and feel a sense of dishonor at their past.

When we don’t feel vulnerable to shame, we don’t feel the need to rank order. Put another way, condemnation of others is another way of affirming the self. Thus, to be free from judgmentalism we must first be freed from shame.

“Where are they? Has no one condemned you? … Neither do I condemn you.” – Jesus

Posted in: faith, psychology